I love black thongs
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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