i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
