Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
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I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
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Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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