What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i already hear my dad disowning me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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