Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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