That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
