My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
