I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
