U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my sisters under your porch take her home
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
