"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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