Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
soo... how was my night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
