I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
