I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
