there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
