It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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