Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
