My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
