I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
