I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
