Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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