that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
