I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm getting married
To pizza
Couch. On fire.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
