tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
