So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
