Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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