Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
