She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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