I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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