Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
