You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
