HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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