What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
