I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
