just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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