just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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