I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
