Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
