State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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