I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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