Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
