my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
