I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
