laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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