He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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