Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
