then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
