i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize