I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I stole a fireplace last night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
