so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
