i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
