just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
