i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
