I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
