NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
