My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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