I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
