Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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