we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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