I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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