I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
