Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Someone shit on the floor
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
