Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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